Recently, I found myself deep in the process of potty training my 28-month-old daughter.
Having a two-year-old well into your 40s can give you a false sense of expertise. Hey, I've done this twice before…sort of.
The nanny potty-trained my first, and my second literally potty-trained himself (he's a unicorn in so many great ways).
With my third, we no longer had a nanny, and it was evident she wasn't going to train herself.
In mentally preparing, I knew I was facing a mess. Before we'd even started, I was already cleaning her potty messes from places they shouldn't have been. And there was uncertainty: How long would it take? How many messes would I have to clean up?
In conversations with other moms and with her daycare, I was told she might not be ready.
But I knew the signs. I knew where she was developmentally. I believed she was ready.
So, we took the leap together, knowing it would be messy.
The Push and Pull of Comfort and Growth
Upon reflection, it struck me how universal this experience is: the push and pull between old ways that feel safe (like only knowing the feeling of doing your business in a diaper) and new ways that feel uncomfortable but necessary for growth and development.
In many ways, this is exactly what happens when we're called, or expected, to step into a new professional identity.
When I say identity, I'm talking about our sense of professional self: how we see ourselves in our work, the stories we tell ourselves about what we're capable of, what we believe makes us valuable, and even what generates our income.
What If I'm Not Ready?
I was reminded of this in a conversation with someone participating in a leadership development program I was running.
He'd spent well over ten years in the same organization and function. Over that time, he'd developed deep expertise and comfort in his work.
But underneath that comfort was a quiet knowing: He was ready to grow into something new.
What held him back wasn't a lack of skill. It was uncertainty.
Uncertainty about what stepping into something different might mean for his livelihood and his sense of self.
It's not so different from a parent wondering: What if she never gets it? What if I'm cleaning up after her for weeks or months?
And if a toddler could express herself with the self-awareness few adults possess, she might say: It feels better to go in my diaper, whenever and wherever I want. I'm afraid to do anything differently.
This tension between what's familiar and what's necessary shows up for all of us, regardless of title or tenure.
When Change Isn't Our Idea
But not every leap into something new comes from within us.
Sometimes growth is thrust upon us by someone else. Like the parent who decides it's time to potty train, ready or not.
Professionally, this can look like being handed a significant new responsibility or promotion before we feel prepared.
And often, we say yes because we don't want to appear ungrateful, unambitious, or incapable.
But developmentally, we may not be ready. And when that happens, early mistakes are almost inevitable.
Yet too often, those stumbles are treated as evidence that someone isn't capable, rather than as a normal part of learning.
Why Growth Should Be a Shared Effort
Here's what I've seen over and over again: Growth happens best when it's co-created.
When leaders and individuals have ongoing, honest conversations about what motivates them, what demotivates them, and what support they need, everyone is better equipped to navigate the discomfort of change.
But let's be real. Most of us were never taught how to do this well, on either side of the conversation.
Many leaders feel pulled away from their own priorities to clean up someone else's mess.
Conversely, many people don't feel comfortable having a vulnerable conversation with their boss about their fears of ditching the diapers.
But what if we reframed that?
What if supporting growth wasn't about cleaning up after accidents, but about investing in development?
When we're aware of ourselves and our people, and commit to co-creating growth with colleagues, bosses, and teams, we create the conditions for our professional identities to evolve.
Not just the identities tied to the roles we've always held, but who we are as people, contributors, and professionals.
This is the work I'm privileged to support every day: helping leaders and teams build the awareness and skills to grow together, one imperfect step at a time.
A Reflection for You
Where in your work or life are you clinging to an old identity because it feels safe?
Where might you be expecting someone else to get it right on the first try, forgetting that accidents are part of the process?
What would change if you approached growth as something to co-create, rather than something to impose or endure?
What's one small thing you believe leaders can do to make growth feel less daunting?